Letting go. Finding peace by making peace with it. Moving forward with it. Living life again and loving it.


Importance of recovery and support.

Coping with the emotional and psychological toll of such situations can be incredibly challenging, often leading to significant repercussions on both mental and physical health.

**Understanding the Impact**
Experiences like the ones I encountered, unfortunately, are not isolated incidents; they are more common than many realize, yet they frequently remain unrecognized or unaddressed. The psychological manipulation and emotional stress inflicted by others can have profound effects, manifesting in various ways that compromise one's overall well-being. The interplay between mental and physical health is intricate, where emotional turmoil can lead to physical ailments, creating a cycle that is difficult to break.

**Seeking Answers and Understanding**
It is concerning that society often fails to delve deeper into these harmful experiences. Societal norms and ingrained biases can obstruct the necessary attention and understanding that victims require. It is crucial to challenge these behaviors and motivations, fostering an environment where such issues can be openly discussed and addressed, regardless of one’s gender.

**Addressing the Harmful Behavior**
The act of publicly embarrassing someone is a deliberate form of humiliation and control. Understanding the underlying motivations for such actions is essential in addressing the root causes of this behavior. It often reflects deeper psychological issues within the individual who feels compelled to exert control over others, highlighting the need for broader awareness and intervention.

**Recovery and Moving Forward**
Recovering from a significant health event, such as a stroke, presents a formidable challenge. It is vital to prioritize healing on both physical and emotional fronts. Engaging with a supportive network of friends, family, or professionals can significantly enhance the recovery process, providing the encouragement and understanding necessary to navigate this difficult journey.

**Advocacy and Awareness**
Sharing my story serves as a powerful tool for raising awareness about the insidious effects of emotional abuse and manipulation. It is imperative for society to acknowledge these issues and take proactive steps to support those affected. It is courageous to confront and discuss these experiences and is not only a vital part of my healing journey but also a crucial step in advocating for change and fostering understanding within the community. Click to Read full post..

4:49 PM 02/17/25

I had it. I beat it. I survived it. I am tougher than a stroke.

Two months ago tonight, I experienced a life-altering event: a major stroke. It was a moment that changed everything for me. The photographs I took a few days later, after being transferred to rehabilitation from the hospital and ICU, capture a pivotal time in my recovery journey. The other two photos I have taken are from today, showcasing the progress I have made. I have come a long way, yet I recognize that I still have a significant journey ahead of me.

As a prideful man, I find it challenging to share these images, as they are not the most flattering representations of myself. However, they are an integral part of my journey and the experiences that have shaped my life. Over the past decade, I have faced numerous challenges, including the heartbreaking loss of my wife, Dawne, who was the love of my life. Her struggles with addiction added layers of complexity to my grief, and I have had to navigate my own path forward while coming to terms with her death.

The accumulation of stress, emotional upheaval, and psychological turmoil from various sources has taken a toll on my well-being, ultimately contributing to the stroke I suffered. Despite these hardships, I have always sought to find the silver lining in every situation. This stroke has become a catalyst for change in my life—a reset, a restart, a refresh, and a reboot. It presents me with a unique opportunity to restore and reclaim my life in ways I never thought possible.

In case I haven’t made it clear, I want to emphasize that I am awake, I am alive, and I am breathing. For me, life is good. I have faced my challenges head-on, and I have emerged victorious. I beat the odds, I survived the ordeal, and I have proven to myself that I am tougher than a stroke. This experience has not only tested my resilience but has also reinforced my determination to live life to the fullest. Click to Read full post..

7:29 PM 02/16/25

A deeper truth.

The realization that I must stop relying on external factors as crutches or excuses has been a profound awakening. It’s a painful acknowledgment that I allowed someone to treat me in ways that were not only unacceptable but deeply damaging to my self-worth. This recognition of my own role in permitting such behavior weighs heavily on me, yet it does not absolve her of the responsibility for her actions. The emotional turmoil stemming from this dynamic has been significant, as I grapple with the impact of her words and actions on my mental and emotional health.

My tolerance for this treatment persisted far too long, and the ease of blaming only one side has masked a deeper truth: I held power in allowing it to continue. This realization is both liberating and daunting. Today, I am determined to shed these crutches and excuses, committing myself to reclaim my agency. The journey ahead is fraught with challenges, but I am resolute in drawing boundaries and pursuing the person I am meant to be.

The weight of my past choices is heavy, but I am ready to take full responsibility for my journey. I understand that learning from the past is essential, and embracing the possibilities of the future is a vital step toward healing. Change, while often rapid and unexpected, can be a catalyst for growth when it comes from a genuine place. The challenges I face, particularly after experiencing a stroke, require immense concentration and energy. The struggle to regain basic functions is a daily reminder of the fragility of life and the urgent need for change.

The loss of Dawne has been a life-altering experience, forcing me to reevaluate everything I thought I knew. Such profound loss compels a transformation that is both painful and necessary. It pushes me toward growth and resilience, even when the path is unclear. The essence of change lies in the unknown, and navigating this unpredictable journey is daunting yet essential.

In moments of vulnerability, I find strength. The chaos of my circumstances challenges me to confront my fears and push beyond my perceived limits. Through the pain, I see an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. Embracing change, despite its challenges, transforms adversity into a powerful catalyst for positive transformation.

Reflecting on my past, I recognize the significance of acknowledging whether I have used certain situations as crutches. The overwhelming nature of grief and adversity can be paralyzing, and it’s natural to fear change. However, the key to moving forward lies in self-forgiveness and understanding. Everyone processes grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to cope. Acknowledging my fears is a courageous step toward overcoming them.

The effects of my stroke are evident, but the emotional and psychological consequences are profound. The daily cognitive and physical challenges I face are overwhelming, and the struggle to perform basic tasks is a constant reminder of my limitations. Click to Read full post..

10:02 AM 02/16/25

Clearly, the stroke I suffered causes me to struggle

The effects and visual indicators of my stroke are evident, but the consequences, struggles, and hardships are enormous, challenging, and overwhelming. It is clear that I had a stroke, and the reasons behind it, as well as the individuals and actions that contributed to it, are evident. There was a clear lack of common sense, maturity, accountability, and responsibility in the behaviors and actions that led to my stroke. These actions were far beyond what is reasonable or acceptable.

Since the stroke, I face cognitive and physical challenges every day. These include limited and loss of eyesight in my left eye, and limited use of the left side of my body, with a lack of feeling in a large part of my left side. I struggle with basic ordinary functions and skills such as being able to button a shirt, pull up a zipper, or tie my shoes.

The incident involving the public display of an embarrassing photograph and mug shot on someone's front door by an individual who lacks rationality and responsibility carries significant implications. It is vital to delve deeper into their actions, questioning their motives and credibility. Understanding why they accused another person of actions they did not commit requires exploring their intentions and the reasoning behind their behavior. This inquiry can offer essential insights into their mindset and objectives.

The repercussions of this individual's actions are undeniable and profoundly troubling. Their behavior has had severe consequences on my health, notably inducing a major stroke. I have been trapped in a constant state of distress, duress, and emotional turmoil due to their actions. The unjustified public display of my mug shot only exacerbated my feelings of vulnerability, embarrassment, and humiliation.

This situation begs urgent questions about the individual's motivations and reasons for such behavior. Why are these critical inquiries not being pursued, and why are the answers eluding scrutiny? Understanding the underlying intentions is crucial to addressing and mitigating the harm caused. The need for a thorough investigation into their actions and motivations is imperative to seek justice and prevent further damage. Click to Read full post..

8:58 AM 02/16/25

Resilience. Respect.Reflection.

Reflecting on the past and considering whether you have used certain situations as a crutch to avoid moving forward is a significant step toward personal growth and healing. The loss of a loved one, such as Dawne, paired with the experience of being treated horribly and poorly, can undeniably be overwhelming. It's natural to feel afraid of change and to struggle with adapting to life's unexpected challenges.

The key to moving forward is self-forgiveness and understanding. It's important to recognize that everyone processes grief and adversity differently, and there is no right or wrong way to cope. Acknowledging any fears or hesitations you may have had is a powerful way to begin overcoming them.

Consider the following steps to help move forward:
Self-Reflection: Take time to truly understand your feelings and identify the root causes of your fears about change.

Set Small Goals: Break down the process of moving forward into achievable steps. Celebrate small victories to build confidence.

Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Sometimes, sharing your journey with others can provide new insights and encouragement.

Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that healing and change take time and that it's okay to have setbacks.

Focus on the Present: Try to concentrate on the present moment and what you can do today to make positive changes.

Open to New Possibilities: Allow yourself to explore new opportunities that may arise from embracing change.

Remember, acknowledging and addressing your feelings is a courageous step toward embracing change and adapting to new realities. You have the strength within you to transform adversity into a path of resilience and growth. Click to Read full post..

8:29 AM 02/16/25

Change becomes not just a reaction, but a proactive step toward healing and recovery.

The essence of change is embedded in the unknown, the unpredictable journey that it takes us on. When life presents sudden turns, like realizing the aftermath of a stroke or experiencing the heart-wrenching loss of a loved one, it forces an introspection that is both urgent and necessary. It challenges us to alter our perspectives, adapt our behaviors, and embrace new ways of thinking.

Change becomes not just a reaction, but a proactive step toward healing and recovery. It requires us to muster the courage to face vulnerability, to confront our fears, and to push beyond our perceived limits. It's about finding strength in moments of weakness, hope in times of despair, and clarity in chaos.

Through the pain and struggle, change offers an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. It can illuminate paths previously unseen and open doors to new possibilities. Embracing change, despite its challenges, transforms adversity into a catalyst for positive transformation, propelling us toward a future shaped by resilience, understanding, and empathy. Click to Read full post..

8:24 AM 02/16/25

Recovery needs change. It demands it.

Change can happen rapidly and quickly without much thought or notice. One minute, you might feel one way, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, see and feel things in a totally different way. Change for the sake of change is not healthy or productive, but change in thought, feeling, and actions that are genuine and real, and come from an honest and true place, are truly life-altering and positive.

Just realizing that I had a stroke and all the daunting and unbelievable challenges that that presents in itself requires immense concentration, energy, and focus to restore and regain basic functions that have been lost. It demands change. It needs change. To recover, it is incumbent upon me to change my feelings, behavior, and actions. So, change in this case is for all the right reasons and all the right intentions.

The death of Dawne and losing her forced me to change; it was life-altering and sudden. Such experiences make you reevaluate everything you thought you knew, compelling a transformation in ways you hadn’t anticipated. This type of change, though painful, pushes you toward growth and resilience. Click to Read full post..

8:06 AM 02/16/25

Resolving To Move Forward

Resolving To Move Forward

The realization has dawned that it's time to cease relying on external factors as crutches or excuses, hindering the journey towards becoming who I am meant to be. I recognize that I allowed her to treat and speak to me in ways that were unacceptable and unhealthy. Acknowledging my role in permitting this behavior does not absolve her of responsibility or accountability for her actions, words, and behavior. She remains responsible for those.

However, my tolerance and acceptance of this treatment continued longer than it should have. It was easier to blame only one side, but that simplicity masked a deeper truth: I too held power in allowing it to persist. Today, I choose to let go of these crutches and excuses. I am committed to reclaiming my agency, drawing boundaries, and moving forward in pursuit of the person I am supposed to be.

No more crutches. No more excuses. It’s time to take full responsibility for my journey, learn from the past, and embrace the possibilities of the future. Click to Read full post..

11:16 AM 02/15/25

It doesn’t always have to be nor about Heather Killebrew

The experience of sharing, writing, or engaging in activities often brings to mind various individuals and memories. However, I want to clarify that not everything I express is connected to Heather Killebrew. In fact, the majority of my thoughts and actions are unrelated to her, primarily because I have no recollection of her at all. This lack of memory stems from a stroke I endured, which has led to a condition known as perseveration. This condition causes me to involuntarily repeat certain topics, behaviors, or feelings, which can be quite challenging. I want to emphasize that I never wished to have a stroke, and I certainly do not desire to experience one again. Furthermore, I find it increasingly difficult to continue discussing this matter, particularly since I have no memory of the individual in question. Based on what I have gathered from reading and the insights shared by my children and family, it seems that my inability to remember her may actually be advantageous for my mental and emotional well-being. Today, I find myself not at my best, yet I choose to remain hopeful about my journey toward recovery. I understand that healing is a gradual process, requiring me to take small, deliberate steps forward. Despite the challenges I face, I am confident that I am progressing in the right direction and making meaningful strides toward improvement each day. Click to Read full post..

5:23 PM 01/28/25

Exhausted and not myself today.

I'm feeling unwell today, and I can't quite pinpoint the reason for this sudden decline in my health. It’s a perplexing situation that has left me feeling vulnerable and anxious. I'm extremely tired; I wake up each morning with a sense of dread, only to find that I can stay awake for about 45 minutes before I feel the overwhelming urge to crash again. This persistent fatigue is not just a minor inconvenience; it is significantly affecting my ability to perform even the simplest tasks, such as speaking and swallowing. Despite having slept well last night, which usually rejuvenates me, I feel utterly exhausted and drained of energy.

Perhaps I'm coming down with a cold, but I don't sense any issues with my sinuses or nasal passages, which makes it all the more confusing. It's challenging to articulate what's happening within me because I feel a significant disconnect within my body. I don't have a clear sense of a large part of it, leaving me uncertain and anxious about what's going on. I do know that my balance and equilibrium are off today; even walking from my chair to the kitchen feels like an arduous marathon, each step requiring immense effort and concentration.

I plan to return to sleep soon because I'm just so drained, hoping that rest will provide some relief. This experience is genuinely frightening, and I wouldn't wish a stroke or any similar affliction on anyone. It's been a terrifying ordeal for some time now, and I find myself grappling with feelings of fear and helplessness as I navigate through this unsettling experience. Click to Read full post..

5:10 PM 01/28/25

Heather Killebrew's behavior has been marked by a pattern of dishonesty, deceit, and coercion

Heather Killebrew's behavior over the past three years has been marked by a troubling pattern of dishonesty, threats, and coercion, particularly evident in our email exchanges. A significant incident occurred on September 14, 2021, when I confronted her about unauthorized purchases made with my credit card. Instead of providing a straightforward response, she resorted to tactics of diversion and deflection, attempting to shift the focus away from her illegal actions. Rather than addressing the misuse of my credit card, she threatened to report me, further complicating the situation.

Killebrew's strategy included invoking unrelated personal matters, such as the death of Dawne, to distract from her wrongdoing. This manipulation has been a recurring theme, as my bank records will corroborate the frequency of her unauthorized transactions. Following our exchange, it became clear that she felt empowered to act without my consent, leading to significant charges on my corporate debit card that I was unaware of until after the fact. The evidence against her is compelling; the email chain illustrates her evasive responses and lack of accountability. She falsely claimed to have destroyed two cashier's checks I had given her, yet her actions three months later—attempting to cash those checks at Bank of America—contradict her statement. This necessitated my intervention to have the checks reissued and converted to cash.

Killebrew's consistent pattern of deceit and manipulation has not only caused financial distress but has also had severe repercussions on my health. The stress and anxiety stemming from her actions contributed to a major stroke, highlighting the profound impact of her dishonesty and immature conduct on my well-being. Her behavior is not just a series of isolated incidents; it reflects a deep-seated issue that has resulted in significant harm to me both emotionally and physically, not to mention the profound effect it had on me financially.
Click to View 9/14/21 email exchange Click to Read full post..

7:19 AM 01/27/25

In summary and conclusion, Heather Killebrew directly contributed to me experiencing a major stroke.

I experienced a significant stroke that has resulted in a lifelong struggle to regain basic functions. The actions and behavior of Heather Killebrew directly contributed to this devastating situation. Her decision to post my mugshot on her front door triggered immediate phone calls and deliveries aimed at ensuring its removal, which she obstinately refused. Each incident was documented in my detailed billing records, clearly demonstrating the correlation between her actions and my suffering. The facts are indisputable: I endured a major stroke as a direct consequence of her behavior.

Moreover, Heather's actions not only caused me immense distress but also led to the humiliation of another individual, with assistance from the prosecution and law enforcement, as outlined in her email. It is crucial to note that her actions may have violated Texas law by distributing that material. The evidence will substantiate my claims, including the electronic trail of emails and other documentation.

The absurdity of the situation is compounded by the costs I have had to bear due to Heather Killebrew's reckless behavior. Her duplicity has gone unchallenged for too long. I am left grappling with the aftermath of a major stroke, which has resulted in brain damage, loss of eyesight in my left eye, and the need to relearn basic functions. While I remain hopeful for recovery, I must acknowledge the possibility of permanent impairment.

Heather Killebrew's refusal to return my belongings and her decision to publicly display my mugshot from September 7th to September 22nd, 2024, were significant factors that contributed to my stroke. Her behavior caused me considerable distress, which ultimately led to this medical emergency. The consequences of her actions have left me facing lifelong health challenges.

The effects of my stroke are profound and life-altering, including significant and potentially permanent loss of abilities. I am deeply disappointed and frustrated by the lack of understanding regarding the gravity of my situation. Heather's actions, including the dissemination of false information, have caused immense distress and directly contributed to my medical crisis. The humiliation and stress triggered by her behavior have had a cascading effect, culminating in my stroke.

I urge the authorities to recognize the severity of this situation and take appropriate action. The deliberate and malicious actions taken by Heather Killebrew to publicly embarrass and victimize an innocent individual are deeply concerning. Furthermore, her false claims about police involvement only exacerbate the gravity of the situation. The truth is that the other party was contacted by someone claiming to be a former police officer hired by Heather, who disclosed sensitive information without justification.

I want to clarify that I never mentioned or confirmed the name of the individual involved in any document. The inclusion of their name in the harassment packet was unnecessary and potentially damaging. There were alternative ways to handle the situation that would have been more respectful and discreet.

From the outset of my communication with Heather Killebrew, I encountered inconsistencies that eroded my trust. Initial research indicated she was a real estate agent, which proved false. This pattern of behavior has led me to believe that she has been duplicitous and dishonest throughout our interactions.

I am writing to express my serious concerns regarding Heather Killebrew's actions and the role of law enforcement in the events leading to my stroke. Her conduct was a major contributing factor to the stress I experienced, which ultimately resulted in my medical crisis. I hope the gravity of the situation and the consequences of her actions are fully understood.

In addition, I am compelled to address the unprofessional behavior of Officer Christopher Partin, who endangered my life during a medical emergency. His reckless conduct during my treatment for a TIA (mini-stroke) could have resulted in a full-blown stroke. Other officers advised me to file a complaint against him, and I am considering legal action against St. Louis County for their failure to follow protocol.

The impact of my stroke has been profound, affecting my memory and cognitive abilities. I struggle with basic functions that were once automatic, and the road to recovery is long and uncertain. Perseveration, a symptom of my stroke, manifests as repetitive thoughts and actions, further complicating my recovery.

In summary, the actions of Heather Killebrew and the unprofessional conduct of law enforcement have had devastating consequences on my life and health. I urge a thorough investigation into these matters to ensure accountability and prevent further harm.

Heather Killebrew's actions, coupled with the unprofessional behavior of law enforcement, have profoundly impacted my life and well-being. The consequences of these events have been devastating, leading to significant emotional and physical distress. I strongly advocate for a comprehensive investigation into these issues to promote accountability and safeguard against future harm. Furthermore, I am pursuing judicial relief and compensation for the pain and suffering directly resulting from her actions and conduct. It is imperative that justice is served to prevent similar injustices from occurring in the future. Click to Read full post..

6:45 AM 01/27/25

With Heather Killebrew, there seems to be no common sense applied, but Common sense says..

Today, I find myself reflecting deeply on my current emotional state. I have a mix of thoughts and feelings swirling within me, and I’ve reached a point where I refuse to waste any more time on this situation. The reality is quite straightforward: if there had been any common sense applied, and if she had genuinely cared for me, she would have recognized the depth of my love for her. I truly cared about her and longed to be with her, but the unfortunate truth is that she did not feel the same way. While difficult to accept, I understand that she had the right to make her own choices, even if those choices led to her actions of dishonesty and deception.

At the core of it all, common sense dictates that if Heather Killebrew had truly loved or cared for me, she would have recognized my feelings for her. This situation also touches on the concept of emotional intelligence, which we often discussed. Interestingly, after my stroke, I find myself articulating my thoughts and feelings, albeit from a somewhat detached perspective. I struggle to recall everything, but I can see the words I’ve written and the notes I’ve taken, which reflect my genuine care for her and my desire to be close to her.

I often felt like I was pleading for her presence, unable to comprehend why she couldn’t see my devotion. I believed she cared for me, loved me, and wanted to be with me, but common sense ultimately reveals that this was not the case. She didn’t love me, didn’t care, and didn’t wish to be with me, which led to the unfortunate circumstances that resulted in my major stroke.

It may seem like I’m placing blame on her, but that’s not my intention. The stress and turmoil I experienced were unnecessary. Actions like posting my mugshot on her front door and withholding my belongings were not only absurd but also hurtful. Yet, I recognize that she made her own choices, and those choices had significant consequences for me, culminating in a lifelong struggle from a major stroke.

I chose to engage with her, and I’ve said all I need to say about it. We could endlessly debate her actions, but I believe it’s unproductive to dwell on the past. I’ve expressed my feelings enough, and I don’t feel the need to revisit them.

Now, I face the reality of having had a major stroke, and I am on a long journey to regain basic functions and a semblance of the life I once knew. Fear and anxiety loom over me as I worry about the possibility of another stroke or not fully recovering from this one. The internal battle I face is indescribable, and I find myself exhausted from trying to articulate it. Click to Read full post..

5:44 AM 01/27/25

I’ve endured the consequences of a major stroke due to the actions, behavior and conduct of Heather Killebrew

It’s astonishing how verbose I can become, often getting ensnared in my thoughts. This isn’t a choice; it’s a symptom and a consequence of the type of stroke I experienced. When I refer to being long-winded, it’s ironic, as I struggle to communicate effectively. I find myself becoming fatigued and needing rest, often feeling no desire to engage in conversation. The disconnect between my thoughts and my spoken words is frustrating.

I still grapple with the effects of the stroke, particularly on the left side of my face, my hands, and my tongue, which leads to slurred speech and drooling. Recently, I had a brief conversation with my father, expressing how focused I can be now that I no longer have ADHD. I can concentrate on one thing at a time, and interestingly, I feel I’ve become significantly smarter post-stroke. The extraneous thoughts that once cluttered my mind have vanished, allowing me to focus intensely. However, therein lies the challenge: I often become fixated on one track, a thought or a feeling.

I’ve lost much due to the stroke, but some losses have been beneficial. I’ve transitioned from having detrimental habits to having none at all. Remarkably, I no longer crave cigarettes, despite having smoked for 32 years. This change stems from a sense of fear and uncertainty about my new reality. I feel trapped between my former self and who I’ve become, with my body and mind at odds. The experience of a stroke is terrifying; one moment, I felt no pain, and the next, I was unable to move or feel one side of my body. It was as if half of me had vanished, leaving me with a profound sense of disconnection.

Even though my body functions, I often don’t recognize it, which is deeply unsettling. I lack a sense of time, distance, or space in my movements, leading to a complete absence of spatial awareness. I liken it to navigating without GPS coordinates; my hand doesn’t know where it’s coming from or where it’s going, leaving it in a state of uncertainty. This feeling of being trapped in my own body, with one half functioning and the other not, is incredibly frustrating and humiliating.

As a result, I often isolate myself by choice, preferring to avoid potential embarrassment. I’ve lost my filter; I express my thoughts and feelings candidly, as you can see from this reflection. The neurological pathways that once provided those filters have been damaged and destroyed and will not return. I must relearn and retrain myself to apply those filters over time.

This stark reality has been exacerbated by personal circumstances, particularly the actions of someone who had been close to me. The choice to publicly display a mugshot of me was a painful reminder of a tumultuous situation. It’s not about placing blame; it’s about the unfortunate reality of misunderstandings and emotional turmoil. Despite my efforts to make her happy, I couldn’t comprehend why she couldn’t see my true feelings.

Ultimately, none of that matters now. I’ve endured the consequences of my stroke, intertwined with a web of childish behavior and misunderstandings of someone else. This journey has been challenging, but it has also led to a deeper understanding of myself and my circumstances. Click to Read full post..

1:09 PM 01/26/25

The summary of the last post

Joey's words convey a profound sense of anguish and confusion stemming from a traumatic experience. Joey grapples with the emotional and physical aftermath of a stroke, which he attributes to a deeply hurtful act by someone he once trusted. This act—displaying a mug shot—serves as a catalyst for a cascade of negative consequences, leading to feelings of humiliation, betrayal, and despair.

Joey reflects on the repetitive nature of his struggles, emphasizing that these behaviors are not choices but rather involuntary responses to their circumstances. Joey expresses a longing for understanding and compassion, questioning the motivations behind the actions of the person who caused him pain. The sentiment is one of isolation, as he feels trapped in a body that no longer functions as it should, battling both physical limitations and the emotional turmoil that accompanies such a drastic change to his life.

The narrative is steeped in a sense of injustice, as Joey seeks to comprehend the rationale behind the humiliation he endured. Joey highlights the absence of common sense and decency in the actions of others, which only exacerbates his suffering. The struggle to regain control over his body and mind is portrayed as a daunting journey, filled with frustration and a sense of madness, as he confronts the reality of his situation.

Ultimately, his words encapsulate a deep yearning for empathy and a desire to be treated with dignity, underscoring the profound impact of trauma on both the body and the psyche. Joey’s experience is a poignant reminder of the complexities of human relationships and the lasting effects of emotional pain. Click to Read full post..

11:14 AM 01/26/25

What was there to gain, by Heather Killebrew posting my mugshot on her front door?

The experience of enduring a stroke due to the actions of another person is profoundly distressing. The repetitive nature of my thoughts reflects a struggle that feels involuntary, as if I am trapped in a cycle of frustration and confusion. The incident that triggered this turmoil—having my mugshot displayed publicly—was not just an embarrassing act; it was a catalyst for a major health crisis that has left me grappling with physical, emotional, and mental challenges.

I find myself questioning the motivations behind such a humiliating act. What could possibly be gained from causing someone such pain? The humiliation I faced was not just a fleeting moment; it has led to serious consequences, including legal troubles and a significant decline in my well-being. The lack of empathy in this situation is staggering. I would never wish such suffering on anyone, yet here I am, trapped in a body that feels foreign and uncooperative, battling against itself.

The frustration is compounded by the isolation I feel. I can no longer express joy through smiles, and the simple act of looking in the mirror has become a reminder of my struggles. The exercises I undertake to regain movement are a testament to the arduous journey ahead. Healing is a slow process, and the absence of common sense in the actions that led to my current state only deepens my sense of despair.

This situation is not just a personal tragedy; it is a profound violation of human decency. The lack of understanding and care displayed by someone who claimed to care for me is incomprehensible. I am left to navigate this painful reality, feeling as though I am at war with my own body and mind. The journey to recovery is daunting, and the emotional toll is heavy. There is no humor in this struggle—only a deep sense of loss and a longing for understanding and compassion. Click to Read full post..

11:04 AM 01/26/25

None of it makes any sense, and with Heather Killebrew it never will.

Why would I have endured all of this, with Heather Killebrew, only to end up in this situation? I wouldn’t have. I genuinely wanted to be with Heather, as my notes and readings reflect. I have never wished anything bad upon her. That’s not who I am, nor who I ever aspired to be. Would I have called her and said, "I hope, wish, and pray every night for you to... the way she did"? No, I would never do that. I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of wishing harm upon her or anyone else, because that’s not how I think or feel.

There is a fundamental misunderstanding in interpersonal relationships. Would I ever desire anything negative to happen to her? Absolutely not. She simply couldn’t accept that I made a mistake, that I was remorseful, and that I sincerely wanted to be with her. Instead, she seemed determined to punish me for that error.

I paid a significant price for wanting to be with her, suffering a major stroke as a consequence. All because I wanted to be with her, and she couldn’t accept it. Eventually, I had to leave because it was jeopardizing my health and well-being. Even after leaving, the repercussions on my health and life have been profound and enduring.

None of this truly matters; it’s merely a collection of thoughts in my journal. I paid a heavy toll, and I’m fearful of the consequences. I would never wish anything bad to happen to her, and I never will. I hope she’s happy, thriving, and enjoying her life, even though I know I’m not. I face a long journey of recovery ahead, yet I still wish for her to find happiness and peace above all else.

Posting my mugshot and refusing to return my belongings was unnecessary. She must have known I would never ask for those other things back. I would have never seriously requested them; perhaps in a moment of frustration, but never genuinely. All of this just doesn’t make sense and defies logic. I suffered a major stroke, had my heart broken, and now face a lifelong battle to regain basic functions and skills. None of it makes any sense, and it never will. Click to Read full post..

7:51 AM 01/26/25

Where had common sense been in all of this??

I am uncertain whether this will be a long or short explanation, but I find this situation to be a significant waste of time, energy, and effort. It raises the question of where common sense has gone in all of this. Even before reviewing my notes and emails, I am left wondering about the lack of rationality. I have spent years with this person, constantly being accused of things I never did or even considered doing. It seems they could not accept that I genuinely wanted to be with them for reasons I cannot fully understand.

Yes, there was an incident in 2019, but I have spent years trying to make amends for it. The real question is why I dedicated so much time to this relationship. Why did we engage in countless conversations and exchanges? The common sense here is that I wanted to be with her, yet she seemed unable or unwilling to grasp that concept. Perhaps she wanted to punish me for the past incident.

I am baffled by the lack of common sense in this situation, especially when I think about the decision to post my mugshot on the front door. Why not simply return my belongings and allow us to part ways amicably? The escalation was unnecessary; all that was needed was to remove the mugshot and return my items. Instead, this only occurred on the night of my arrest. I should have received my belongings long before that, and the stress I endured was unwarranted.

I wanted to be with her, but she could not accept it. This lack of common sense, maturity, understanding, and forgiveness has led to a major stroke for me—a lifelong battle that terrifies me. I am uncertain if I will ever regain my former self. Recently, I wore a short-sleeve shirt and noticed for the first time that my left arm is significantly smaller than my right. This realization, along with the loss of muscle mass on my left side, reminded me of my brother Dan and filled me with fear.

I now see how different I am, how I perceive myself, and how the world perceives me. I feel petrified, terrified, and ashamed. All these emotions stem from the lack of understanding that I genuinely wanted to be with her and spend my life with her. The result of this turmoil was a massive stroke, leaving me isolated, afraid, and trapped in my own body, waging a war within myself.

I am struggling, and I don’t know if I have the patience to heal and recover. While I have no choice but to endure this, my mind feels like it is working against me. Click to Read full post..

6:52 AM 01/26/25

Heather KIllebrew's actions caused me a MAJOR STROKE!!

The situation described raises significant concerns regarding the lack of common sense and maturity displayed in interpersonal interactions. The act of publicly posting a mugshot on someone's front door is not only invasive but also profoundly disrespectful, leading to severe emotional and psychological repercussions. In this instance, it resulted in a major stroke, highlighting the serious consequences of such actions.

It is troubling to consider how one could justify prioritizing embarrassment and humiliation over empathy and understanding. I had informed Heather of my decision to cancel auto shipments for Bounty and Charmin products. Despite her awareness of this cancellation, she chose to publicly share my mugshot, which constitutes a grave violation of trust and decency.

I had merely requested that she pack and ship my belongings to me, as I was in the process of relocating and required them urgently. My intention was to end our association amicably; however, her refusal to cooperate has only intensified the situation. I made it clear that engaging with her again was not feasible.

Throughout this ordeal, I have meticulously documented numerous conversations and voicemails from September, wherein I expressed my sincere wishes for her well-being and happiness. It is astonishing that, despite these efforts toward civility, the fundamental principle of common sense seems to have been entirely overlooked. The repercussions of this lack of judgment have been life-altering, significantly impacting my ability to perform basic functions and navigate daily life. Click to Read full post..

4:43 AM 01/26/25

This is what "perseveration" is and looks like.

Yes, I want to emphasize this for a moment. What has happened to common sense? What has happened to handling situations in a mature and responsible manner? Who posts a mugshot of someone on their front door and believes that is acceptable? This act caused me a significant stroke and has led to ongoing struggles for the rest of my life. How can such behavior be deemed acceptable? Who even thinks to do something like that? Is it Heather’s first instinct to embarrass and humiliate others instead of considering more thoughtful ways to address a situation if she wishes to avoid conflict?

I had just emailed her to inform her that I had canceled the auto shipments for Bounty and Charmin. She was aware that the Charmin would be arriving, yet she still chose to post my mugshot. Who behaves in such a manner? Where is the common sense in that? I suffered a major stroke as a result of this immature and childish behavior. Heather’s refusal to return my items was incredibly frustrating. I wasn’t asking to collect them in person; I simply requested that she box them up and ship them to me. I made it clear that I would be out of her life once that was done, as I was moving, which is why I needed it handled as soon as possible.

Moreover, I realized that she had intruded into my psyche, making it impossible for me to communicate with or see her again. All of this has been overlooked, and none of it is mentioned in the discovery. I wished her well and happiness numerous times, and I documented all those conversations and voicemails from September. What has happened to common sense? It cost me a major stroke and affected my ability to perform basic functions in life.

The situation is deeply troubling and reflects a significant lack of common sense and maturity. It raises serious questions about the appropriateness of certain actions, particularly regarding the public sharing of sensitive information. Posting a mugshot on someone's front door is not only invasive but also profoundly disrespectful. Such behavior can have severe emotional and psychological repercussions, as evidenced by the major stroke I suffered as a direct result of this incident.

It is perplexing to consider how anyone could justify such actions. Is it truly acceptable to prioritize embarrassment and humiliation over empathy and understanding? In my recent communication with Heather, I expressed my decision to cancel auto shipments, including Bounty and Charmin products. Despite her awareness of this cancellation, she chose to post my mugshot publicly, which is a blatant violation of trust and decency.

I had simply requested that she pack and ship my belongings to me, as I was in the process of moving and needed them urgently. My intention was to sever ties amicably, yet her refusal to cooperate only exacerbated the situation. I made it clear to Heather that it was impossible for me to engage with her again.

Throughout this ordeal, I have documented numerous conversations and voicemails from September, where I expressed my wishes for her well-being and happiness. It is astonishing that, despite these attempts at civility, the fundamental principle of common sense seems to have been entirely disregarded. The consequences of this lack of judgment have been life-altering, impacting my ability to perform basic functions and navigate daily life. Click to Read full post..

4:23 AM 01/26/25

Whatever happened to doing things normally and being an adult about situations?

Yes, I’m going to emphasize this for a while. Whatever happened to common sense? Whatever happened to doing things normally and being an adult about situations? Who posts a mugshot of someone on their front door and thinks that’s acceptable? It caused me a significant stroke and ongoing struggles for the rest of my life. How is that acceptable? Who even thinks to post something like that? Is it Heather’s first choice to embarrass and humiliate people instead of considering other ways to handle a situation if she doesn’t want something to happen?

I had just emailed her to inform her that I had canceled the auto shipments for Bounty and Charmin. She knew the Charmin would be arriving, yet she still posted my mugshot. Who does that? Where is the common sense in that? I suffered a major stroke due to this immature and childish behavior. Heather’s refusal to return my items was frustrating. I wasn’t asking to collect them in person; I simply requested that she box them up and ship them to me. I made it clear that I would be out of her life once that happened, as I was moving, which is why I needed it done as soon as possible.

Furthermore, I understood that she had intruded into my psyche, making it impossible for me to talk to or see her again. All of this is overlooked, and none of it is mentioned in the discovery. I wished her well and happiness numerous times, and I recorded all those conversations and voicemails left in September. Whatever happened to common sense? It cost me a major stroke and affected my ability to perform basic functions in life. Click to Read full post..

4:11 AM 01/26/25

The time, energy, and resources wasted by the courts and police on this nonsensical matter are staggering.

Whatever happened to common sense? It is bewildering to consider the actions taken by some individuals in our society. For instance, posting someone's mugshot on your front door raises serious questions about judgment and empathy. How can one justify refusing to return personal items and belongings? It is perplexing that someone would approach law enforcement without recognizing the distress caused by such actions. The decision to display my mug shot publicly not only triggered immediate reactions but also resulted in profound embarrassment and humiliation, particularly given the time and effort I dedicated to maintaining Heather's yard and building relationships with Heather Killebrew's neighbors.

This situation traces back to a phone call on April 10, 2024, followed by another on April 15, 2024. During that conversation, Heather expressed her wish, hope and prayer that I would simply die. This sentiment is incomprehensible and raises further questions about the rationale behind these actions. Why did the police become involved? Why was there a refusal to return my belongings? What led her to believe that posting my mug shot was an acceptable course of action? Such behavior clearly conveys a message of malicious intent aimed at embarrassing, humiliating, and shaming another individual.

The absence of common sense in this scenario is striking. There seems to be a lack of maturity, accountability and responsibility, as evidenced by the ongoing arguments and the refusal to return my personal items. Holding my ring hostage while claiming that we would not be "re-litigating" events from 2020 only adds to the confusion. It suggests that Heather may not have informed or been honest with the officer that she had returned the ring to me in 2020, which I subsequently sent back in May 2021 via courier, as documented in the email screenshot below.

Moreover, on February 16, 2023, Heather KIllebrew informed a doctor that we were engaged when asked about our relationship, a fact that is recorded in my medical records by Dr. Cobert. This was further corroborated when Heather wore the ring in late September of 2023 during a visit to the emergency room, where it is noted in Mercy’s records and again in early October of 2023 during a visit to Dr. Galakatos, as it is noted, is the same in those medical records. The entire situation is riddled with lies and deceit, creating a convoluted narrative that should have been straightforward.

Where has the normalcy and common sense gone? Why is it so difficult to simply do the right thing? The time, energy, and resources wasted by the courts and police on this nonsensical matter are staggering. It begs the question: where is the common sense in all of this? Click to Read full post..

3:36 AM 01/26/25

Frightened.

I frequently engage in discussions about challenging topics, sharing my personal experiences and the struggles that often feel overwhelming and surreal. I am currently facing significant health challenges, which have led to multiple visits to the emergency room in the past week due to various concerning symptoms. My family is understandably vigilant, and any unusual sensations or fluctuations in my health prompt further medical evaluations. While I appreciate their concern, the anxiety I experience can trigger panic attacks, exacerbating my distress.

I have experienced a loss of sensation in various parts of my body, which is difficult to convey. On Christmas Day, I faced near paralysis on my left side, but I was able to regain some control through focused effort. However, I am dealing with a significant blind spot in my left eye, which is alarming. This has made it challenging to trust my environment, particularly on my left side, leading me to adopt a cautious approach to movement, resulting in a noticeable limp.

I harbor fears about my recovery, the possibility of another stroke, or a more severe stroke that could result in incapacitation. Having already experienced a major stroke, the thought of a worse outcome is daunting. I feel as though my body is in conflict, with one side at odds with the other, and my mind is similarly conflicted. This situation is not only challenging but also frustrating and frightening. The looming threat of another stroke is a constant source of anxiety.

I am concerned about the potential impact on my ability to engage in activities I once enjoyed, such as playing golf, operating a jet ski, or even driving due to my vision impairments. I find myself questioning whether I will ever be able to participate in physical activities again, aside from basic tasks. This uncertainty is deeply unsettling, and I feel a profound sense of embarrassment and humiliation regarding my current condition. I am navigating a complex landscape of fears, feeling confined within my own body and mind. Click to Read full post..

7:35 PM 01/25/25

Trapped.

I have encountered numerous challenges throughout the years, with Dawne's death being the most profound and difficult experience I have faced. The aftermath of the stroke has been beyond comprehension; it is both daunting and isolating. One experiences a sense of internal conflict, as the body seems to resist cooperation, leading to a struggle for control. Certain sensations are perceptible, while others remain elusive. For example, I can feel the back of my left hand and the triceps’ of my left arm, yet I lack sensation in my forearm, wrist, and bicep. Similarly, in my left leg, I can only feel my ankle and calf, while the remainder feels numb. It is as though my body has been divided; I do not even feel my bowel on the left side.

I face difficulties with basic functions, such as blowing my nose, due to a lack of control over the left side of my nasal passages. Recently, while showering, an object entered my left eye, causing significant pain and disorientation, nearly leading to a loss of consciousness. The lack of control over that side of my body contributes to feelings of isolation and loneliness. My speech has been affected; I often slur my words and have diminished control over the left side of my lip, resulting in frequent drooling. I tend to prefer solitude, as I am a prideful individual, and navigating life in this manner is both embarrassing and humiliating.

This experience has undoubtedly been the most challenging of my life, necessitating immense patience as I allow myself to heal. Although my cognitive functions remain intact, there exists a significant disconnect between my thoughts and my body’s responses. My parents endure my lack of a filter; I often express whatever comes to mind without restraint, which is quite embarrassing. I find myself reluctant to engage in public settings due to the fear of expressing my thoughts uncontrollably.

Having suffered a brain injury, which is the nature of a stroke, I now confront the reality of brain damage. Many functions I once possessed are no longer accessible, and I must retrain myself to regain them. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I have no choice but to cultivate it now. My body resists participation in the manner I desire, compelling me to adapt to its limitations. Coming to terms with this reality is profoundly challenging, and I would not wish this experience upon anyone.

I recognize that I will grapple with this for an extended period, likely continuing to isolate myself until I no longer slur my words, drool, or unexpectedly doze off mid-sentence. I was unaware of the significant energy required for the brain to heal; even contemplating a conversation can be exhausting. Simple movements, such as shifting my hand a few inches, demand immense energy, thought, and concentration, leaving me utterly fatigued.

I am apprehensive, as I am in a precarious position for experiencing another stroke. I was fortunate to be awake during this incident, and Carter's persistence in keeping me alert was invaluable. I received the clot-busting medication within the first four hours; without it, I would not have recovered and would have sustained further damage. There was no pain; suddenly, I was unable to move the left side of my body, and I felt everything shutting down. The experience was surreal and unbelievable. While standing to use the toilet, my left side became completely paralyzed within seconds.

I understand that I often address uncomfortable topics, but this situation is particularly distressing. I feel trapped and at the mercy of my brain and the healing process. It is incredibly frustrating, and I question whether I possess the requisite patience. I am, quite simply, confined within my own body. Click to Read full post..

6:41 PM 01/25/25

It’s a struggle just to open my hand in the morning.

This picture symbolizes the challenges I face every morning upon waking, especially when I feel cold, experience pain, or encounter stress and uncertainty. My left hand instinctively wants to panic against my chest and clench into a fist, a phenomenon often referred to as “stroke arm.” The left side of my body tends to remain in a state of atrophy—tense, tight, and withdrawn. It’s a struggle just to open my hand in the morning, a simple action that most people take for granted. I can no longer afford that luxury.

My left knee and ankle mirror the behavior of my left hand, remaining tense and tight. It takes considerable time to loosen my knee enough to walk semi-normally, even with the aid of a walker, but I am making progress. Without resorting to videotaping my daily struggles with basic tasks, this picture comes close to capturing my reality. It is incredibly frustrating and a daily battle, but I hold onto the hope that things will improve. As much as I long for a return to normalcy, I understand that it won’t happen overnight. Medical professionals have advised me to expect a recovery period of one to 18 months, and I intend to heed their advice, as I am at high risk for another stroke in the coming year. This situation is no joke; I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. It is frightening, isolating, and surreal—like experiencing an out-of-body moment, at least on one side.

I am committed to my recovery and am learning to exercise patience throughout the process. Interestingly, one positive outcome of my stroke is that I no longer struggle with ADHD; I can now focus on one task at a time. Multitasking, such as walking while chewing gum, overwhelms me and drains my energy. Walking alone is a significant challenge, so that is where my focus lies. It feels like a battle against half of my own body, devoid of spatial and temporal recognition. I must relearn these concepts and retrain my brain accordingly.

I often feel exhausted and find myself sleeping much of the day, which I’ve been encouraged to allow. My appetite has increased, and I am losing weight rapidly, fluctuating between 145 and 150 pounds—far too thin for my liking. However, my brain requires substantial energy to heal, and I must provide it in any way I can. Click to Read full post..

10:28 AM 01/25/25

It is crucial to address the serious implications of Heather Killebrew's actions, which have significantly contributed to my health crisis.

It is crucial to address the serious implications of Heather Killebrew's actions, which have significantly contributed to my health crisis. I suffered a major stroke that will result in a lifelong struggle to regain basic functions. The posting of my mugshot on her front door prompted immediate phone calls and deliveries aimed at its removal, which she refused. Each incident is meticulously documented in my phone's detailed billing records, which provided below, providing clear evidence that her actions directly led to my stroke. Moreover, her behavior has not only caused me distress but has also humiliated another individual, with assistance from the prosecution and law enforcement, as outlined in her email. It appears she may have violated Texas law by distributing that material. The evidence supports my claims regarding her persistent demand for details, a pattern she has consistently followed, but this time I stood my ground.

The repercussions of her actions have been profound. I have incurred significant costs due to her behavior, which has gone unchallenged until now. Heather's actions have been deceitful and dishonest, leaving me to cope with the consequences of a major stroke that has severely impacted my ability to function. The posting of my mugshot caused immediate distress, and the subsequent phone calls were merely attempts to ensure its removal, which did not happen. I have endured enough; her actions have directly resulted in my health crisis.

The stress and distress caused by Heather Killebrew's actions, particularly her refusal to return my belongings and the posting of my mugshot from September 7th to September 22nd, 2024, have directly contributed to my stroke. Her deceitful behavior has led to lifelong health challenges for me.

As a direct result of her actions, including the posting of my mugshot and the ensuing phone calls and deliveries, I have suffered a major stroke. I am now engaged in a challenging journey to regain basic functions, which will be a lifelong endeavor. The effects of the stroke, including loss of eyesight and brain damage, are significant and life-altering. I express my profound disappointment and frustration regarding the lack of understanding of the gravity of this situation. The road to recovery is arduous and uncertain.

Heather Killebrew's actions, including the dissemination of false information and the posting of my mugshot, have caused immense distress and directly contributed to my stroke. The humiliation and stress triggered by these actions led to a series of events culminating in this medical emergency and lifelong battle.
Click to Read full post..

8:34 AM 01/25/25

I genuinely do not recall Heather Killebrew.

The expression of these sentiments is complex. I do not have a clear recollection of Heather Killebrew; my memory of her is limited, relying primarily on emails, the charging document, and notes I prepared prior to my stroke. I had a specific reason for informing her about my relocation to Wildwood and potential future plans, though I am hesitant to disclose those details. I communicated this to Heather in light of her previous email in April, where she accused me of having an affair with her former next-door neighbor, Molly. In that correspondence, she referenced photographs she had taken of Molly and Tim’s new residence, mentioning a black truck in the driveway, which she presumed belonged to me. This behavior reflects a concerning pattern of cyberstalking directed at individuals associated with me, as indicated by a substantial email trail from her. It prompts inquiries regarding her possession of photographs of her former neighbor's driveway and her knowledge of their moving history and financial investments in their properties. My relocation to Wildwood was temporary, and I was going to be staying with someone, which motivated my decision to inform her to prevent any potential complications. Click to Read full post..

7:33 AM 01/25/25

No words.. I miss Dawne.

The loneliness and sadness I experience in Dawnie's absence is beyond words. I miss her deeply. We were perfectly matched; she was the person I wanted to share every moment of my life with, and my happiness in that connection was immense. Each day, I eagerly anticipated her waking up, and that excitement remained unwavering from the first day we met until the day she passed away. Life was beautiful, despite her struggles with addiction and the challenges that came with it. She was my partner, my companion, my best friend—truly my matching puzzle piece. The longing to be with her is overwhelming. There are simply no words to express the emptiness, loneliness, and void I have felt for the past eight years. This was never a situation I wished for, nor was it a choice; had it been up to me, I would have spent all eternity with that beautiful woman. Her loss has left an indescribable emptiness and void in my heart. Click to Read full post..

6:46 PM 01/24/25

Absence of a loved one is difficult to articulate.

The profound sense of loneliness and sadness that accompanies the absence of a loved one is challenging to express. The significance of this loss is immense, as the individual was a perfect match, embodying the ideal companion with whom every moment of life was meant to be shared. The joy derived from this connection was boundless, with each day filled with eager anticipation for their presence. This excitement remained unwavering from the first meeting until the day of their passing. Life, despite its challenges, including struggles with addiction, was beautiful in their company. They were not just a partner but also a best friend—truly a complementary piece in the puzzle of life. The longing to reunite is overwhelming, and the emptiness, loneliness, and void felt over the past eight years are profound. This situation was never desired, nor was it a choice; given the opportunity, an eternity would have been spent with this remarkable individual. Their absence has left an indescribable void in the heart. Click to Read full post..

3:55 PM 01/24/25

DirtyJob.org coming soon.. Honoring Dawnie and helping the planet..

The idea of "recover and restore" extends beyond stroke recovery; it also includes the vital process of reforesting our planet. I am currently focused on and passionate about planting trees and revitalizing forests to restore nature's original design. I advocate for a simple yet powerful notion: everyone can contribute by planting a tree. This experience began as a coping mechanism in the wake of the profound loss of my wife, Dawne. What started as a distraction from heartache, pain, and grief has transformed into a deep-rooted passion and commitment, bringing substantial happiness, joy, and fulfillment. My sons and I have successfully channeled this newfound passion into a remarkable endeavor.

It's a dirty job that we love to do. Click to Read full post..

12:28 PM 01/24/25

The repercussions of Heather Killebrew's actions have been profound

Regarding my posts, it is important to address the serious implications of Heather Killebrew's actions, which have directly contributed to my health crisis. I experienced a significant stroke that will result in a lifelong struggle to regain basic functions. The posting of my mugshot on her front door led to immediate phone calls and deliveries aimed at its removal, which she refused. Each incident is documented in my phones detailed billing records. The evidence clearly indicates that I suffered a major stroke as a consequence of her actions. Furthermore, her behavior has not only caused me distress but has also led to the humiliation of another individual, with assistance from the prosecution and law enforcement, as outlined in her email. It is documented that she may have violated Texas law by distributing that material. The evidence will support my claims regarding her persistent demand for details, a pattern she has consistently followed, but this time I stood my ground.

The repercussions of her actions have been profound. I have faced significant costs due to her behavior, which has gone unchallenged until now. Heather's actions have been deceitful and dishonest, and I am left to cope with the consequences of a major stroke, which has severely impacted my ability to function. The posting of my mugshot led to immediate distress, and the subsequent phone calls were merely attempts to ensure its removal, which did not occur. I have suffered enough; her actions have directly resulted in my health crisis. .

The stress and distress caused by Heather Killebrew's actions, particularly her refusal to return my belongings and the posting of my mugshot from September 7th to September 22nd, 2024, have directly contributed to my stroke. Her deceitful behavior has led to lifelong health challenges for me. .

As a direct result of her actions, including the posting of my mugshot and the ensuing phone calls and deliveries, I have suffered a major stroke. I am now engaged in a challenging journey to regain basic functions, which will be a lifelong endeavor. The effects of the stroke, including loss of eyesight and brain damage, are significant and life-altering. I express my profound disappointment and frustration regarding the lack of understanding of the gravity of this situation. The road to recovery is arduous and uncertain.

Heather Killebrew's actions, including the dissemination of false information and the posting of my mugshot, have caused immense distress and directly contributed to my stroke. The humiliation and stress triggered by these actions led to a series of events culminating in this medical emergency and lifelong batlle.


Click to Read full post..

6:26 AM 01/24/25

Heather Killebrew's actions and behavior directly contributed and led to my stroke

I experienced a significant stroke, which will result in a lifelong struggle to regain basic functions. Heather Killebrew's actions and behavior directly contributed to this situation. The posting of that mug shot on her front door led to immediate phone calls and subsequent deliveries, all aimed at ensuring its removal, which she refused to do. Each incident coincided with phone calls, as my detailed billing records will demonstrate. The facts are clear: I suffered a major stroke due to her actions. Additionally, she intentionally embarrassed and humiliated another individual, with assistance from the prosecution and law enforcement, as detailed in her email. It is a matter of record that she may have violated Texas law by distributing that material. The evidence will show that she demanded to know every detail, a pattern she consistently followed, but this time I stood my ground. The facts, along with the electronic trail of emails and other documentation, will undoubtedly support my claims. Click to Read full post..

2:59 PM 01/23/25

What did the person do that caused Joey stress and distress, which, ultimately, caused Joey's stroke?

I suffered a major stroke, resulting in brain damage, loss of eyesight in my left eye, and the need to relearn basic functions. I am hopeful hope for recovery but acknowledge the possibility of permanent impairment.

The stroke I suffered was caused by the "ridiculous behavior and actions" of Heather Killebrew, specifically, her refusal to return my belongings and her decision to post my mugshot on her front door from September 7th - September 22nd, 2024. Her behavior and actions caused me distress, duress and stress, which directly contributed to my stroke.

Heather Killebrew has been deceitful and dishonest, her behavior and actions have been duplicitous. I face lifelong consequences and health challenges due to Heather Killebrew's conduct, actions and behavior.
Click to Read full post..

11:33 AM 01/23/25

As a direct result of Heather Killebrew's action of putting and posting my mug shot from 2020 on her front door..

"As a direct result of Heather Killebrew's action of putting and posting my mug shot from 2020 on her front door and the subsequent phone calls and deliveries, I suffered a major stroke. I am now struggling to regain basic functions, and this will be a lifelong battle."

The effects of a stroke, including the loss of eyesight and brain damage, are undeniably significant and life-altering. I must express my profound disappointment and frustration with the lack of understanding of the gravity of the situation. I suffered a major stroke, resulting in significant and potentially permanent loss of abilities, including eyesight and brain function. The road to recovery is arduous and uncertain.

Heather Killebrew's actions, including putting my mugshot on her front door and spreading false information, have caused immense distress and directly contributed to my stroke. The humiliation and stress triggered by these actions led to a cascade of events that culminated in this medical emergency.

Her behavior is not only reprehensible but also potentially illegal. I urge "authorities" to consider the severity of the situation and take appropriate action.

Click to Read full post..

6:07 AM 01/23/25

My profound discontent with Heather KIllebrew's actions detailed in her June 3rd, 2021 email

Since rediscovering and rereading this email, I must express my profound discontent with its contents. The deliberate and malicious actions taken by Heather Killebrew, with assistance, to publicly embarrass, humiliate, and victimize an innocent individual are deeply concerning.

Furthermore, the subsequent email Heather Killebrew sent on June 6, in which she falsely claimed the police had contacted this person, is a blatant lie and only adds to the gravity of the situation. The truth, as I've come to understand, is that this person was contacted via LinkedIn by someone claiming to be a former police officer turned private investigator hired and retained by Heather Killebrew. This occurred in October 2020, before my arrest, and the "investigator" disclosed the contents of the harassment package to the other party. Heather's dishonesty and deceit are evident, as she was fully aware that the other party already knew this information due to her own actions. Click to Read full post..

2:10 AM 01/23/25

Regarding Heather Killebrew's comment in a June 3rd, 2021 email..

Regarding Heather Killebrew's comment, "It's also so sad that her name was all over those video pics," I would like to address the issue of how that person's name appeared in the packet.

I want to make it clear that I never mentioned, confirmed, or wrote that person's name on any document. It seems that either Heather, or someone acting on Heather Killebrew's behalf, included the name in the packet. Furthermore, the inclusion of the name, especially in large print across the top of each page, was unnecessary and potentially embarrassing for the individual involved.

There were alternative ways to handle the situation, such as using initials, leaving it blank, or using a generic phrase like "other party." The intentional use of the person's full name raises concerns about the motivation behind it.

I would appreciate clarification on this matter by the prosecuting attorney involved as why and how that was allowed to happen and occur. Click to Read full post..

2:04 AM 01/23/25

Lack of professionalism

I am writing this to express concern and disappointment regarding the actions of Heather Killebrew and the role the police played in the events that led to my stroke. I want to emphasize the seriousness of the situation and the significant impact it has had on my life and health.

Heather's conduct, actions and behavior were a major contributing factor to the stress and pressure I experienced, which ultimately resulted in my stroke.

I hope the gravity of the situation and the consequences of her actions, and the role they played in me suffering a major stroke, are fully understood.

Joe Montes Expressing my serious concern regarding the actions of the police involved in this case. It appears that they failed to properly verify or validate many of the claims made by Heather Killebrew. This lack of due diligence is unacceptable and raises questions about their professionalism and commitment to upholding the law.

I urge a thorough investigation into the conduct of these officers.
Click to Read full post..

7:00 AM 01/22/25

Heather Killebrew's actions, conduct and behavior, overlooked. The system is broke and corrupt.

Expressing my serious concerns regarding Heather KIllebrew's actions and conduct between September 7th and September 22nd, 2024. Specifically, Heather's decision to post my mugshot from my 2020 arrest on her front door for public viewing was deeply upsetting and harmful.

This action, which was clearly intended to publicly embarrass, humiliate, and shame me, caused me to feel immediately threatened and unsafe. It also provoked an immediate reaction and response from me, which was a direct result of Heather's conduct, action and behavior.

Furthermore, Heather's actions mirror previous behavior and conduct of embarrassing, humiliating, and shaming another, which has been cause for additional concern.

I want to emphasize the seriousness of the situation and the significant impact it has had on my life and health.

Heather's conduct, actions and behavior were a major contributing factor to the stress and pressure I experienced, which ultimately resulted in my stroke.

I hope the gravity of the situation and the consequences of her actions, and the role they played in me suffering a major stroke, are fully understood.
Click to Read full post..

5:25 AM 01/22/25

Gemini's summary of an email Heather Killebrew sent on June 3rd, 2021

Joey Montes rediscovers an email from Heather Killebrew, nearly three months before his plea hearing, in which she publicly embarrasses and humiliates another person. Heather sent an email to Joey Montes on June 3rd, 2021, the contents of which are specified in the provided context.

"It's also so sad that her name was all over those video pics and thinking how many police officers, lawyers, courts, assistants, clerks and judges and probably many more people who saw those images. It was all printed and put into the harassment package. I wonder how she would feel if she knew how many people saw her naked pictures and masterbating video? I wonder?" - sent by Heather Killebrew

Gemini's summary of my notes and questions regarding this June 3rd, 2021 email sent by Heather
* Heather Killebrew wrote that it was sad that a person's name was all over the video pics.
* Joey Montes questions who wrote the person's name on the packet and how it got there, stating they never wrote the name on anything.
* Joey Montes suggests that Heather or someone on her behalf wrote the name and that it was done intentionally to identify and embarrass the person.
* Joey Montes states that there was no need to include the person's full name and that it could have been initials, left blank, or a simple phrase like "other party."
* Joey Montes says that there is much more to this and that it requires a detailed timeline and more of Heather's emails.

Additional Gemini summary
Joey Montes rediscovers an email from Heather Killebrew, nearly three months before his plea hearing, in which she publicly embarrasses and humiliates another person.

* Heather sent an email to Joey three months before his plea hearing, which he didn't fully understand at the time.
* Joey reread the email and realized Heather intentionally and maliciously embarrassed and victimized another innocent person.
* Heather falsely claimed in a later email that the police had contacted this other person.
* The other person was actually contacted via LinkedIn by someone claiming to be a former police officer hired by Heather to investigate Joey.
* The "investigator" informed the other person about the harassment package, which Heather already knew about.
* Heather was dishonest and deceitful in her communication. Click to Read full post..

8:20 AM 01/21/25

GOOGLE X ING

A little bit alphabet (google), a little bit of X (x.com) and a little bit of bing, GOOGLE X ING. To fully index and make it searchable, I needed both Google and Bing., all documents , emails and all text are fully index and searchable by word and keyword, and I needed the help of Google and bing to do that. So I put it in a format that kind of flows like X.

Not that this is for anybody other than me and for my defense and to be able to pull up anything at any time, especially since I don’t remember any of this crap.

And because how biased prosecutors and police are, I include the summary of the non-bias, objective AI of google Gemini - "Joey Montes discusses the need to index and make documents and emails searchable using Google and Bing for personal reference."

What does Joey Montes need?
Joey Montes needs to fully index and make all documents or emails searchable by word and keyword Click to Read full post..

7:32 AM 01/21/25

Not wasting another second on someone I don’t know and don't remember. Moved on and moving on.

Not gonna be spending any more time on this person that I don’t know or remember. No more about Heather Killebrew. My entire focus is gonna be on healing and recovery from my stroke. My focus is going to be on rehab and getting my strength and functionality back and try to get as close to normal as I can. I can’t explain or describe to you what a stroke fog that you’re in and the feeling non-feelings that you have in your body.. It is an entirely different and weird experience. as my little brother tells me I need to stop focusing on the technical aspect of it and just allow myself to heal and recover. I’m gonna listen to him. I’m the one that had the stroke. I need to listen to my family and my friends and not be stubborn and pigheaded. I need to be patient and allow myself to heal and let my brain recover. It’s gonna be slow and I just need to have patience. It truly is baby steps. One step at a time one day at a time one achievement at a time. Onward and forward. Click to Read full post..

3:49 PM 01/19/25

I know how it looks, but I don’t remember Heather Killebrew at all

I don’t remember any of the time with her any of the photographs and the event a being photographed. All of the data and emails were loaded and done long before my stroke and most of the stuff has been around and out there on the internet for 4+ years. I don’t have anything to say that would be helpful or productive and I believe it is better not to say unkind or hurtful things. Lost my wife, my best friend, my partner and my companion and the love of my life. She died December 22, 2016. My heart belongs to her and always will. I love my wife and my best friend. I miss her desperately. No knock on this Heather Killebrew person, she just isn’t my Dawnie, then again no one is. I am happy and content and at peace. I love my wife I will till I take my last breath and beyond even that. Click to Read full post..

3:18 PM 01/19/25

That amazing smile and those stunning eyes. No words could ever describe how much I miss you.

There are no words to describe how much I miss and how lonely I am without Dawnie. She was an incredible wife, partner, companion and best friend. She was all those things for me and a whole lot more. Without a doubt for me, she was my perfect matching puzzle piece and we just fit. I love her more every day. I fall more in love with her every day and I miss her even that much more every day. I know I will see her again someday very soon. I just wish I could kiss her hold her hand hear her voice and hug her one more time. She provided me so much and I feel like I’ve lost so much which I really have. I’ve lost my best friend the love of my life, my partner, my companion, my confident, and the only person that I have trusted with everything. That is a lot. I miss her. I hurt, i ache and I suffer because she’s no longer here. The boys miss their mother. I miss my wife. I miss the love of my life and my everything and I’m not ashamed to say it. Truth is I fall more in love with Dawnie every single day. I know what I’ve lost. I know the void in the hole that it’s left inside of me. I know what it’s taken from me and I know what she gave me. I know I will see her again someday soon . I know., Dawnie, without a doubt I love you more. I miss you more.. and I will be seeing you soon. I promise. I feel you and I’ve been dreaming of you so I know you’re around. Thank you for always taking care of me and loving me. Love you more. Click to Read full post..

7:36 PM 01/18/25

Rediscovered a bunch of family photos

Rediscovered some family photos of the boys, Dawne. Kaitlyn, Devon, myself and the rest of the family. It’s great seeing old photos of much happier and better time for all of us. I miss. Dawnie. every second of every day, words can never describe, but it’s like to lose your best friend, partner companion, and your perfect matching puzzle piece. I miss her. Dawnie, would’ve been relentless in my recovery and rehab. Should be my greatest cheer cheerleader and push me to get better and stronger and healthier. She would’ve been with me every second and I would’ve wanted her to be with me every second and she’s the only person that I would’ve wanted to be there every second. I love her. I’m in love with her and I miss her. Dawnie, without a doubt I love you more. I will see you soon and I can’t wait. I miss you and I will dream of you. I promise. Click to Read full post..

5:18 PM 01/18/25

Gemini's summary of my previous post about Partin's conduct

What is the main reason for Joey Montes' post?
Joey Montes' main reason for posting this is to express his outrage at the unprofessional and reckless behavior of Officer Christopher Partin, who put his life in jeopardy, when he was experiencing a TIA (mini-stroke) without even asking why Montes was there or what was Joey being treated for.

Gemini's Summary of my post.
* Joey Montes was hospitalized from the St. Louis County jail due to a TIA (mini-stroke).
* Joey details an incident where Officer Christopher Partin's unprofessional conduct during his medical treatment could've led to possiby having a full-blown stroke for Joey.
* Officer Partin's unprofessional behavior during the incident endangered Joey Montes's life.
* Other officers advised Joey to file a complaint against Partin and sue St. Louis County.
* Montes contemplates filing a complaint against Officer Partin and suing St. Louis County for violating its own protocol.
* Joey is suing St. Louis County for this and other reasons.

What medical condition did Joey Montes experience?
Joey Montes experienced a TIA (transient ischemic attack), also known as a mini-stroke.

Click to Read full post..

4:27 AM 01/18/25

What sent me to the hospital on Oct 15th, 2024

It is now believed that what led me to the hospital from the St. Louis county jail on Oct 15th, was caused by a TIA (mini or pre-stroke). My high blood pressure coupled with all of the symptoms and signs and the medical records from Barnes Jewish have led my neurologist to conclude that it was experiencing a TIA (mini or pre-stroke).

Officer Christopher Partin, actions and conduct, are even more egregious and unprofessional. Partin, busted in, while I was being treated for a suspected heart attack in the Cardiac Trauma Emergency Room, and he couldn’t wait to read me the charging document, which he did and then after reading the document, decided to finally ask “what the fuck is he here for”, His conduct was unprofessional and put my life in jeopardy as I was suffering a TIA and his conduct could’ve resulted in me suffering a full-blown stroke.

After Partin leaves Officer Taggard and the other Officer tell me I should file a complaint against Partin, for his totally “unprofessional” and “dickish” behavior and conduct. His conduct and behavior were reckless endangerment of my life and he should be terminated and barred from ever wearing a badge again. Partin is a disgrace to the uniform and to the fine men and women who wear it with honor and integrity.

Both Officers advised me to sue St. Louis County for violating its own protocol and not taking me to the nearest hospital. This is why I’m suing St. Louis County other reasons. Click to Read full post..

4:01 AM 01/18/25

I dont remember her, "Heather KIllebrew", at all. I know it seems weird, but I don't.

I know it all seems weird, but it is a fact, I don’t know the person that I have all this information about, with my stroke I lost a big chunk of my memory and this person, Heather Killebrew, is part of that memory loss. I know there’s a matter involving her and I which is going on and I know there is history with her, my boys and family tell me, but do I remember any of it or her, NO!! I have no idea, none.

I read these horrible emails and messages and awful things, which this person, Heather Killebrew, has sent me, I don’t remember her or any of this stuff at all.

As Cart likes to tell me, what was lost in the stroke needs to stay lost in the stroke, and that time that is missing, is better that is missing and is lost for good.

Cart has a way of talking to me, so, I can understand. He has been amazing and I am so proud of him. He sees me and is with me constantly and knows I’m nowhere near the same.

I am a very prideful, proud person, which makes these things difficult for me, but truth is truth, a stroke is a serious brain injury which causes brain damage. I have been brain damaged as sustained suffered a significant brain injury and it’s going to take a long time for it to heal, 12-18 months.

I know I’m not the same and I’m not all there or with it. My left eye was impacted and affected and everything to the left of me is blurry and out of focus and causes me to be so unsure of anything to the left of me. I still can’t feel most of the left side of my body. I just feel pressure but that’ll get better over time. The swelling goes down. As far as my eyesight goes, it may or may not and I’ve been told with the type of stroke I had most of the time it doesn’t improve much, but we will have to wait and see. Click to Read full post..

2:16 AM 01/18/25

The type of stroke I had "Perseveration"; What exactly is that?

Perseveration is repetitive and continuous behaviour, speech or thought that occurs due to changes in cognitive skills such as memory, attention, and mental flexibility.

Perseveration is a symptom of stroke that involves the unintentional repetition of a word, phrase, action, or feeling. It can occur in people who have had a traumatic brain injury or a stroke.

What causes perseveration?
* Damage to the frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for awareness and inhibition
* Difficulty shifting responses or switching to a different activity

What types of perseveration are there?
* Stuck-in-set: Uncontrolled repetition of a thought or topic
* Recurrent perseveration: Unintentional repetition of a behavior
* Continuous perseveration: Uncontrolled repetition of a feeling

How does perseveration affect a person?
* It can limit a person's ability to communicate
* It can make it difficult to carry out daily activities
* It can be harmful to a person's health and relationships
Click to Read full post..

5:07 PM 01/17/25

Planted. It's Personal.

What started as a diversion for me, diverting from heartache, pain and grief over the death of my wife, I used landscaping and planting trees as the way to divert from that pain, heartache and grief, and what once was a diversion grew and evolved into an absolute passionate obsession. Planting trees and landscaping has brought me such happiness, joy, and fulfillment. Our focus, vision,mission and goal is on the recovery and restoration of our forests. Reforestation and environmental restoration, if you will. We know that we can make a significant impact by simply planting one tree at a time and working towards restoring forests to their natural state. The boys and I are committed to doing our part and we encourage and hope others will do the same. We have a simple messaeg and "Do your part. Plant a tree". We keep things simple and smart. Click to Read full post..

6:35 PM 01/16/25

Gemini's Summary of a April 15 and 16th of 2024 email exchange between Heather Killebrew and myself. The never ending break up still continues and goes on and on.. History keeps repeating itself.

* Heather Killebrew and Joseph Montes are ending their relationship.
* Heather is upset that Joseph had a sexual encounter with another woman, Kristie.
* Heather is upset about Joseph's infidelity with Kristie and is moving on.
* They argue about returning Joseph's belongings and Heather's hurtful words towards Joseph's parents.
* Heather wishes Joseph well but wants to move on.
* Joseph expresses his love and regret, but Heather is firm in her decision.
* Heather wishes Joseph well but is firm in her decision to end the relationship.
* Joseph acknowledges his mistakes and accepts the consequences and expresses his wishes to move on.
* Heather threatens legal action against Joseph and refuses Joseph's request for the return of his belongings.
Click to Read full post..

4:45 PM 01/16/25

Google Gemini Summary of a April 10, 2024 email exchange between Heather Killebrew and myself.

* Heather Killebrew accuses Joseph of hurting her and causing pain, comparing him to someone who caused another person to commit suicide.
* Joseph acknowledges his immature and selfish behavior, while Heather expresses her hurt and anger.
* Heather accuses Joseph of pursuing other women and being dishonest, while Joseph denies these accusations.
* Heather states that she no longer wants contact with Joseph and will seek a restraining order.
* Joseph denies having a relationship with the person Heather mentioned and claims to have an unhealthy dependence on Heather.
* Heather expresses her desire to end the relationship and accuses Joseph of being dishonest and unfaithful.
* Joseph claims he is not pursuing anyone else and is sad that Heather feels that way.
* Heather demands that Joseph stop contacting her and untangle himself from her life.
* The conversation escalates with both parties expressing anger, hurt, and frustration.
* Joseph Montes and Heather Killebrew's disagreement escalates into a breakup.
* Heather accuses Joseph of hurting her and being unfaithful.
* Heather is angry and upset, and Joseph tries to explain his actions.
* Heather tells Joseph to stop contacting her and that she will get a lawyer.
* Joseph says he will move on and assumes Heather will too.
* Montes apologizes for his behavior and expresses his desire for change.
* Heather sends a final email accusing Joseph of watching porn and masturbating to it.
CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE EMAIL EXCHANGE Click to Read full post..

2:16 PM 01/16/25

If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.

This is no knock on anyone, some people, want to make and diminish, discount and discredit what they don’t know to make themselves feel normal and to justify their awful behavior. So I’m going to skip and go right to the point. Somebody believes I’m a certain way, which I’m not and never have been. In no way am I beholden to somebody in St. Louis, that vessel of death and destruction has no bearing or influence or hold over me at all, if you want to know who does and why I am watch the notebook. Nobody loved allie the way Noah did and vice versa, that was the love story and relationship I had with Dawne. So if Dawne is a bird than I am a bird. I quite, frankly, don’t care what people think. I lived it. I loved it. I know it, and I still feel it. It fuels and engulfs me every day. And during the care flight from here to the hospital she was in my vision, just smiling, which brought me enormous, peace, calm and comfort, and she’s been with me every day since. Dawne and I had a relationship that was unique to us and how other people, who know absolutely nothing about it or lack the capability or capacity to even come close to that level of a relationship quite, frankly can kiss my ass because I don’t give a shit what nobody has to think or say. I don’t do stupid. I don’t do ignorant. I don’t do excuse makers after the stroke. I will never waste another second on anything less than.

Yesterday I severed all ties with Missouri , once and for all. I changed my phone number, the carrier and my phone. I will never have my mail forwarded, and I will just become a needle in a haystack.

I don’t do stupid and it is a huge waste of time, energy and effort, so I’m done with it. Won’t give it another thought nor any energy

It’s going to take me months upon months or a year or so to recover from a stroke that I had caused by an ankle bracelet that should’ve never been on my ankle because somebody put my mugshot on her front door, wouldn't take it down and refused and wouldn’t mail me back my shit. How fucking stupid that was. Click to Read full post..

2:27 AM 01/07/25

celebration Day. Goal one achieved.

Today is a great day and a very scary day., I get released today from rehab and move into transition to outpatient. I am a long way away from being recovered. I suffered a major stroke to the upper right hemisphere of my brain. In fact, I have been brain damaged and still have lots of swelling in my brain. I can only feel pressure on the left side of my body, which they tell me is normal and could take up to a year to fully recover all the feeling if I'm going to. Whatever was lost in the stroke is lost in the stroke. I have to retrain my brain to do everything. I have amazed them, but that is really just gross motor skills. I won't be able to drive at all as my left eye is completely blurred and I don't trust anything on my left side. It takes a long time to process information on things that I see on the left side of me. My processing speed is way down and my attention span is none. If you’re trying to say something to me of any meaning, you better be done in 30 seconds or less. It it takes a lot of energy to pay attention and absorbed. And most of the energy is being used to just do basic movements on the left side of my body.

It's hard to describe, but if you saw when they had me close my eyes and tried to touch my earlobe with my left hand where my hand goes I have no idea where my hand is, and I have no idea where my left earlobe is. It takes enormous energy just to look at your thumb and try to make it twitch. It is very draining.. I have lost a ton of memory, which may not be a bad thing. I can barely move my left arm, and I have no fine skills with my left hand whatsoever. I can't hold my own phone in my left hand.

But I can walk, with the help of a walker. I'm not gonna get frustrated. As I may never be able to hold a golf club again and play golf or do things that I were doing outside, but I am going to give myself the OK to recover and heal. They have a saying around here and I love it. I am goddamn tougher than a stroke.

For the people who haven't had a stroke, you have no idea what that means.

I have regulated my blood pressure and it is under control now I'm going home with 18 prescriptions. My stroke was caused by a blood clot from my left leg because of the ankle bracelet. Even though it wasn't directly related to my smoking or high blood pressure I am not going to smoke ever again. but now I'm susceptible to having more strokes which I never want.

And the fact of the matter is and I proved it I'm still here and I'm still breathing and I'm going home. I am goddamn tougher than a stroke. Joey one stroke zero.

The stroke took a lot from me that will take a long time for me to retrain my brain to overcome, but I will because I'm not gonna let a stroke beat me Click to Read full post..

5:40 AM 01/03/25

The boys and my dad came to see me today and they got to witness me go through intense physical therapy

The boys and my dad came to see me today and watch me through Therapy My dad brought Adam and Carter up to see me today. They got to watch me go through two hours of intense physical therapy. They got to witness me struggle with the very basics of walking and working my ass off. They got to watch me relearn to walk and how difficult it is and how hard I work at it. It is a struggle. I see my leg and I see my hand, Trying to get the brain to reconnect to them is The issue. I was sitting there, thinking how Dawnie Would become the best physical therapist on the planet for me And I couldn’t imagine the other one ever doing anything of the sort. I have a big void in memory, I have cluster memory loss. I really don’t remember the last few years. I will continue to work my ass off. I have a goal to get out of here. And I’m working my butt off to get there. I miss my boys. It was good seeing them. I will recover. I am goddamn determined. Click to Read full post..

10:16 AM 12/30/24

Transient Ischemic Attack

A Transient Ischemic Attack is a blockage of the flow of blood to the brain that lasts temporarily. It is also referred to as a mini-stroke as the symptoms are the same. Unlike a full-fledged stroke, it does not cause any permanent damage but is still a serious condition. A TIA is typically the bodies way of alerting to other problems or more strokes to come. The attack is usually over in a matter of minutes, but being hospitalized is imperative. Diagnosing the problem and preventing a serious stroke are vital in the days following a TIA.

A lot more to come on this and the direct impact of Heather Killebrew behaviors and conduct that led and caused my stroke. Heather kept me in a constant state of stress, distress, duress and upset, coupled with my uncontrollable hypertension, led directly to me having a stroke. More to come .. Click to Read full post..

12:23 PM 12/26/24

Lost in your eyes. I am happy and at Peace today. Thank you, my love.

D,
I’ve been lost in your eyes all morning. I can’t stop looking at you and those eyes of yours. You have no idea and I could never describe how, the way you looked at me, made me feel. Looking at this picture gazing into those beautiful, amazing blue eyes of yours, I feel the same way. I felt so loved, cared for, wanted, desired, happy, peaceful and whole. I feel that way, again. I am lost in your eyes, just the way I always had been. Thank you for loving and caring for me the way you did. I miss you so much. I know you’re with me, I know you’re here, now, I feel you. Thank you for bringing out the very best in me. I am happy and at peace today, thank you, my love. I love you more..

J Click to Read full post..

10:10 AM 12/11/24

Holy Sh!t, Bat Girl!

Today was going through the financials, to file corporate bankruptcy by the end of the year. OMG!! Which led me to have to look at emails and oh my God, again. Holy sh!t! I had an idea, but not like this. Holy sh!t!

Side note. This person didn’t know Dawne at all. She denigrates, demeans and character assassinates Dawne, a person she didn’t know nor knew the person Dawne was. Dawne, was an incredibly strong, incredible woman. Dawne had her demon, but that was not me and never me. Dawne and I had an amazing relationship, partnership, friendship, and marriage.

Dawne never put people down, nor trashed them, nor said bad things about them. If she didn’t want to engage with someone because they were not her cup of tea, they weren’t in her or our universe and didn’t eat up one second of thought nor time of hers.

My Dawnie was a hard ass, tough as nails. You always knew where you stood with Dawne. She was the most authentic genuine real person I have ever known. She put on no airs and didn’t pretend to be something she wasn’t. You knew exactly where you stood with her.

She was my perfect matching puzzle piece. We just fit.

Remember, after all, I am her husband and it is a privilege and honor that she chose me to be. I didn’t choose for her to be gone. I would never choose that nor have chosen to live a life without her.

My Dawne was the most amazing incredible woman. An incredible person. An incredible mother and the very best partner, companion, friend and spouse a person could have. That is who my wife was and as her husband, I will honor her and protect her and her name to the day I take my last breath. Click to Read full post..

11:44 PM 12/10/24

The look on my face, when returning home from [redacted] on October 21st and discovering..

The look on my face, when returning home from Jail and discovering that the older two had ransacked my house, sold items of mine off and had taken countless other valuable things, but this is the look of having your heart ripped out of your ass. Among the things taking (stolen) was Dawne’s jewelry, her engagement ring and her four wedding bands. All the other stuff and things taken, can be replaced, those can never be. Her necklace, earrings and the rings were placed into my hands by the priest at St. Joseph’s West the night Dawne passed away. Nothing else mattered, had just been told a few days earlier that they discovered a large mass in my left lung or that I was arrested or that I had to..

If ever, you wanted to crush, eviscerate and destroy someone (me), you would have to do exactly that. I had my heart ripped out of my ass and.. That is the reason for the look on my face. Click to Read full post..

1:32 PM 12/09/24

Home.
Photos.
People.
D

MONTES

WENTZVILLE MO
562

562 Heather Ridge

Wentzville, MO
WILDWOOD

MONTES

WENTZVILLE MO